ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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