I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
