Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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