I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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