Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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