I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
