Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
