Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
