i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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