you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
