i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
