My underwear smells like fireworks.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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