Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When are your genitals available?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
