So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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