If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
