The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
