my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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