its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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