i barfeds in our rink
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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