How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
