I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
