Already got asked if we're dating
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
