I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
