either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
