True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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