omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
