i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
