please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
