the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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