i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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