if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
