we're blogging at a bar
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
