She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
