I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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