epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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