Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
