I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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