i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
