I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
