It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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