I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
