I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
