nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
