if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
