porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
