Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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