I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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