I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
