ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
