I am in a vortex of obligation.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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