the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
