I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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