My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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