I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
