I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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