i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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