Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
