i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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