you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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