I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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