Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
