that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
