i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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